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Friday, April 28, 2017

Progress... I think?

This Peculiar Post is Partly the result of me typing a long text message and realising I can use it as the basis of a blog post for ABC Wednesday letter P :)
I had something else in mind, but that hinged on my having done something else by now, but I Procrastinated too long and will have to Post about that one later...

Progress?... Sort of, I think ... I am somewhere in the middle* of recovering from a mental health condition... (which is also what lead to my recent diagnosis of Autism... both if which I have sort of explained in a few recent blog posts)
(*"middle", in this case, meaning some unknown point somewhere in between the start and end - because unfortunately, as much as I would love to have this all fixed and over with by tomorrow, I have had to accept that this is one of those "how long is a piece of string?" type of situations)

Lately I have mainly been feeling rather lost and confused and kind of like "me" has been forgotten among all the paperwork and process of having been off work on sick leave, and organising my graduated return to work ... which is something that needs to happen in conjunction with/as part of my recovery... but an accumulation of red tape and delays were becoming rather frustrating, and only adding to my stress (did I mention I have a stress disorder? lol)

Anyway... I think there is finally some sign of Progress - Today was my first "day" (all 2 hours of it - lol) back at work, and I actually spent most of that time... working...
(not at the job I was doing before all this happened, because it has been decided I won't be doing that any more - I am to eventually find some other more suitable Position to transfer to)
There was a meeting I went to yesterday, at work, with those who are organising my return, and then today I started actually doing the duties they have organised for me... and it has all been a rather weird and scary process...
anyway... I decided to send an update to a friend, via text message,  and realised that what I had written was rather Pertinent to Post here... or something Peculiar like that...
I often discover what I actually think about things when I either hear myself telling someone, or read something I am in the middle of writing - lol - Perhaps that is just how I Process things?

Anyway... here is (most of - there was some boring stuff about when I could visit or whatever, and I have added [a few things] too) what I wrote in that message :

Going in yesterday [to the meeting] was a bit of a crazy schamozzle... as was the inside of my head afterwards... I will explain later if one of us remembers I haven't - lol... (short version: mis-communication, = partly, but not all, my fault, resulted in me being tied up in afraid/frayed knots) but today sort of sorted some of that out...
[that particular loop, or a variant thereof, has played out many times recently - the joys of being a #stressedaspie - sigh]

Also I am becoming very aware of just what a strange situation I am now realising I am in... "mentally ill" and "disabled" are very slowly learning to get along in my head with "independent" and "strong" and "intelligent" ... I think I am now working my way through the interesting process of coming to terms with the reality of the fact that all of those things are me...
(and a few other things I couldn't work out if I was or wasn't but thought I could/should be because I have done - like "capable" and "resilient"? Well... I think the answer to those is now "it depends"... On just what it is I am trying to be capable of or bounce back from... but now I know (or am at least starting to understand) why the answer to questions like "am I good at...?"  Or "can I do ...?" is "sometimes" or "it depends..." (because Aspergers is like that...)

My mind is a confusing place indeed :)

Yikes! that was rather deep and meaningful!
... and I thought of most of it while I was typing it!... so thanks [to my friend, and anyone mad enough to actually read my blog posts] for listening and helping me work it out - LOL

... not that I have worked most if it out... and I often feel like I am going nowhere (or even backwards?!) but thinking logically (I think?) about it at the moment, I kind of feel like maybe I might be actually getting somewhere, even if it IS rather slowly, and sometimes feels like I am going nowhere or bashing myself against a brick wall... sigh...

Oh well... 
I am sure there are many more Perturbations to come, and Possible Permutations of how this will all unfold (or unravel?! LOL)
I guess all I can do is continue to try and remain as Positive as Possible, and keep Picking myself up and scrambling back up that rocky slope... and hope that Persistence Pays off...

Perhaps this Post needs a Photo... I don't have any of the mess in my mind (and you probably don't want to see the mess in my house - lol)

*Peruses Photos for Possibilities*

Yes - that reminds me - for those who read this Post and Panic that I may be really unhappy or whatever... I mentioned being Positive - it has got me through so far - things happen/go on, I worry and stress etc... but I have generally continued to go and do Pleasant things to relax, unwind, gather my thoughts and whatever... a Positive Part of being an Aspie is being able to derive great Pleasure out of Pursuing "special interests"... In other words - doing things I enjoy :)

So... some Photos of some of the Pleasurable, and Probably Peculiar, Pastimes I Partake in:
(and a few other odd things :)

How about a Perfectly complete inside out snake skin (yes, they usually are inside out - because even snakes leave their clothing inside out when they take it off :)  that I managed to Pick up in one Piece right next to a Puzzle Geocache that I found by Pure... er...  Pigheadedness? - I was going to say fluke/chance, but there was some Planning, a lot of "guestimation" about the likely location, and a good deal of Pure Pugnacious Persistence in searching around several likely geological features on the 45degree sloping side of a Particularly Prominent Hill in Canberra (one with a Pointy tower Poking up from the top ;) ... all because I was Planning on walking Past (to find another cache that was a Puzzle - one I thought I had solved, but when I went there 3 days later I realised I may not have... that, or it is missing - which is also Possible), and I figured if I just happened to find it chance, I could then save the other one to find as my daily next time I was in that area ...  also - Probably part of the Peculiarities of being an Aspie :) - all that that Physical effort actually seemed like an easier, and more fun, option than actually solving that Particular Puzzle :)

The bead bracelets I am wearing, in that photo, are the Product of another of my Pastimes - I am Particularly Passionate about Playing with fabric, fibre, yarn, thread, beads, etc and creating things :)

I could Put captions on all these Photos too, but Perhaps not - blogging with the app on my Phone or my iPad can be a Pain in the Proverbial - so I might just Put them here, and Publish this Post... lol

Down the rabbit hole we go?

This was how I found the snake skin (I managed to untangle and bring it home still in one piece, and it is now in a large jar on top to another one I already had :)
... My Twitter app is as confused as I am?


Yes, nachos with spinach - I wanted to make it healthy :)

These eggs are left over from from Easter ... 2016 ... lol

(OK, so I said I wasn't going to bother doing captions, but I decided to add one and it is working ok on my iPad so I added a few more :)

A page of doodles that kind of grew into a quilt idea or 2, and other things ...
I decided to leave that sheet of notes my case manager (for work) wrote for me underneath there on purpose ... kind of makes an interesting background to the doodled quilt idea sitting on top :)

I rather like this:

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Oh Oh

... I missed N

Not what I was planning, but Not really surprising - seeing I posted my M post very late - lol
... So ... for ABC Wednesday - I guess I posted ... Nothing :)
Not that it matters either - I had an idea or 3 but couldn't really decide, and Not sure I really kNew what I wanted to say ... I might use one or more of the ideas Next time ...

Now ...

On to the letter O 
Oh dear ... What should I write about?

Oh Oh? ... I am starting back at work this week, On a graduated return after a few months of sick leave (see my F and H posts for more about why) ...  not sure how Optimistic I am about how it will go ... kind of depends what happens when I get there ... but if I am treated Ok it should work Out ...

Out of sorts ... Meaning unwell - well - yes, that is why I have been off work - I have a Mental Health condition ... a stress disorder ... which I am still in the process of recovering from ... and I am starting to realise it may take some time ...

Odd? ... Of course I am ... it should be Obvious from the weird things I post here :)
I have always felt like the Odd one Out, and known I was different, and a bit weird ... I learnt to live with it, and in many ways I chose to be proud of it ... being an Oddball can come in handy for some things ... Oddly enough, I am not the Only Oddball around ... I have noticed there a few Other Odd people around too ... mostly Online ... and some are more Odd than others :)

Only ...
Only Human, Only earn xxx, Only a ..., Only got 5/10, Only something I made, Only average at doing xxx, Only in your mind, Only mildly Autistic, and so On
... not the best ways to use that word, for all sorts of different reasons (and if I remember to do it - a couple of those are links to interesting things :)
 ... same applies to the word Just ... which people in my quilt group have said is banned when holding up a quilt for show and tell and they say "this quilt is just ... " lol

Ok... Needs a photo... Or 2... Or more... Oddly enough, I found Oodles of photos I could use for O... some for Obscure reasons, some more Obvious :)

An Odd doodle:

... That led to an Odd quilt idea :)

the Other half of my scribbled quilt idea became a couple of Odd tweets :)

Odd shadows

Odd angles

Odd selfie ... In an Office window in Civic

Odd courtyard I found in Civic

Ok, if you must ... Off you go ... Leave me in the dark ...

On top of a hill

Ominous weather ...

Orb spider web :)
Odd art? - no, just some junk someone must have fished out of the lake ...

OK? Where do I sleep?!

OMG - I did it! - 366 days of finding at least one Geocache every day :) ... which meant I was allowed to come and find this challenge cache ... which I actually did on day 367 ... and I am still going - not sure how to stop - lol