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Tuesday, October 03, 2017

A Long Post About Lots And A Little...


There have been a few interesting things happening in my life, but at the same time ... still not a lot of things happening/getting done ... (Like sorting out my house, and all my sewing stuff I never got unpacked and organised before I got too stressed to even think about it)
At Least one good thing has happened at Last ... kind of a Large, or Little - depending how one Looks at it, but either way - Lovely, change ... which I found out about the day before it happened - I finally got to Leave, for the Last time, the place I had been working at for 15 years, where I had fallen apart, and been sent back to again, to work for the same Lunatics who still thought I was Lazy ...

I actually started writing about it as a letter J post, for ABC Wednesday, ready for posting Just a couple days after I started at the new place ... but I got a Little busy ... doing ...er ... not really getting a Lot done ... I think I was a Lot preoccupied with just coping with the sudden change, all at the same time as I was preparing and submitting an appeal to try and get my compensation claim approved (rather than denied on an annoying and stupid technicality that should not even apply)
Anyway ... This is what I wrote, about 3 weeks ago now:

Just a bit busy/preoccupied ...
... had to sort out a few things that needed to be done, and ... I have been getting my head (and the rest of me, actually :) around a bit of a Jump in my reality ...
Finally, (and rather suddenly I might add), it seems seems the "powers that be" have maybe read some of the medical/psych reports/etc that say that after what happened with/to me at work, and the way it was all (mis) handled ... maybe it is not a good thing for my mental health to have been sent back there again, to work with the same supervisors I had so many problems with (ya reckon? *sarcasm*) so ... I found out at a meeting with my case manager and somebody else from the Government directorate I work for, on Thursday afternoon, that while my name will still be against that position number, so that is technically still "my" job until I am able to gain another position within the organisation (which will not be easy, and may take some time) - they have decided that yes, I need to be moved out of the workplace I fell apart at, and have decided to send me elsewhere to do a temporary new Job - and ... bit of a shock because it was so sudden - the next day - a Friday - was my last day working at that particular school!
So, after almost 15 years at this school (nearly 20 years of being a High School Science Assistant (lab technician/whatever - about 5 years at another school then 14 years at this one, until I "fell apart" last year) ... A job I used to love, where things started off fine ... and gradually went from fantastic, to good, to OK, to maybe not so ok, to not so good, to bad, to worse, to totally impossible ... and then falling apart when they tried to manage what I now know was a disability, and a mental health problem, as underperformance, having time off on sick leave, and being sent back there to do "alternate duties" (which was a rather awkward situation, to say the least) ... now I am finally out of that place!
(It was a bit of a surprise for the school I was working at too - they didn't find out that it was my last day until that morning!)
I will be working at a primary school until the end of this term ... and where I will be working next term will be decided at the end of this one (at the end of next week) ... so ... I still don't know where I will eventually end up ... but at least I am now able to get somewhere - hopefully do some more finding myself, and be able to work on recovering from the stress disorder ... I was told that I would be working with a nice, supportive supervisor (been a long, long, while since I have had one of those!) , and doing a few different things in the way of duties, in order to regain some self confidence (that all kind of escaped somewhere over the last several years) and also gain some experience in other things and start to work out what other things I actually can do ... which is exactly what my psychologist just said I needed!
I am writing most of this on the weekend ... before I start my (temporary) new Job ... I may add something about how my first couple of days there go when I post this ... but at the moment I feel Just a bit ... strange ... not really sure actually (seems to be a normal thing for me ... by the time I work out how I actually feel about something, the something has probably changed and I feel different ... lol)
There were also some nice, supportive, people there ... probably the only reason I was able to cope with being there, and 25 years of working there, and my kids both having been to that school while I was working there, it was familiar and I was used to the place and the people ... so I guess I have some "mixed emotions" ... and I am now stepping out into a new unknown ... so confusion is something "to be expected" ... so at least I am not worried about the fact that I feel so weird ... lol
I think I am happy ... I must be - someone I was talking to about it today said I sounded happy ... lol ... Also slightly Aprehensive ... am I going to make an at least ok first impression, will I actually like the place/any of the work?, will I cope ok? (I think I most likely will be fine, but there is always that element of doubt ... sigh) ... all the normal things a person would worry about when they go to work at a new place, I guess ... lol ... but it all happened so suddenly ... I think it is taking a while for me to get my head around it all - I am probably still processing the whole thing ... and that would probably be true for anyone in the same situation, Autistic or not!
(Thank goodness I don't have the huge problems with even small changes that some Aspies have ... although it is possible I do have some problems ... I don't really know ... how do I even know if the way I feel/react to things is normal? ... How do I even tell if the way I feel/do things is "normal" ... it is normal to me - lol)
Oh ... one other weird thing ... in a recent post, I mentioned hiding a Geocache up a tree, because I just happened to have a ready to go one with me ... one I had tried to hide elsewhere (because I had noticed the only other one in that particular suburb had been missing for months) but it wasn't approved due to it being right next to a pre school and a primary school (where it was probably wouldn't have been a problem, but rules are rules) ... guess which primary school ... Yes I am about to go and work at the same one I tried to hide a Geocache too close to - lol - I guess I will have a good opportunity to find a better (and slightly more distant from the school yard) place to hide another one ...

So ... back to now ... 3 weeks since I started at the new school, and now on a break for the school holidays. The first 2 weeks were Lovely ... but it felt rather weird ... for the first time in a Long time - I actually ... Liked ... going to work - lol
It is now school holidays, so I am on "stand down" for the 2 weeks they go for, and I was told on the last day of term that I would be back at that same primary school for the first 3 or 4 weeks of next term, because they think it would be good for me to spend a Little bit Longer settling in and recovering from the trauma I have been put through ... yikes ... scary - someone actually being nice to me and caring and trying to help ... It all feels so odd ... I keep worrying that I am going to wake up and find I was dreaming ...

Unfortunately I am still not sure they really understand what is best for me, as in what sort of work I probably will like/be good at, and what type of work I maybe should or shouldn't do ... but hopefully that will be sorted out ...
(Hopefully when the right peopLe talk to each other)
Last term I was mainly working with cooking classes, and doing some work in the "kitchen garden" ... this term I will probably be doing more of that, and also maybe some work in the Library ... to see if I like, and am any good at, something Like that ...
Then I will probably be sent to another school to try something different again ... maybe working with students in a Learning support unit ... All this is so I can see what sort of position I am suited to, gain some experience and skills, and work referees, for when I apply for a transfer to a new position ... either in a school, or somewhere else in the public service ... only problem is ... after 19 years working at the same thing (I was Science Assistant at another school, before I transferred to the one I spent 15 years at) and 5 years before that as an "at home mum" and 6 years before that in the Army doing something that no longer even exists as a job in the Army, let alone outside, a few other things before that, which were so long ago they don't count for a lot (ditto with my Dipploma of Applied Science in Natural Resources - almost totally useless now, except as an interest/background knowledge ... That was sort of vaguely useful in my role as science assistant, but not for much else now) ... in other words - I have Little in the way of other skills I need for a different job, and a sad Lack of any current qualifications ... so gaining a transfer will possibly not be easy, and may take some time ...

So ... with everything going on in my Life with both the work situation and stuff and with the ongoing process of figuring myself out as far as what it now means to me to not only be Autistic/an Aspie, but at the moment also still a #StresedAspie, and my continuing Lack of getting myself organised at home/etc, and a few other things going on with family ... I am still a Little bit stressed, but I am hopeful that there is a Lot more Likelyhood that things are now going to get a Lot better :)

Oh ... And the Geocache I mentioned I wanted to find a better spot to hide near the school I was moved to ... Yes, did that too :)
... Hid it straight after my first day actually working there (the Tuesday, because I had a meeting there on Monday morning and then was sent home for the day, so before I went home I wandered over and Looked for a Likely spot to hide one, and organised the container, with a Log for finders to sign, that evening, and took it to work with with me the next day :)
It is over the other side of the road, at an underpass ... hidden, published, and already been found by a few people ...
Now waiting for a couple more of my Geocache hides to hopefully be published (they have to be approved by a reviewer) ... One Low down in a very small tree and the other high up a larger tree, on 2 different islands in my Local pond ... on Wednesday I went for a Lovely paddle in my kayak, and found places to hide them, then Thursday I crocheted some camouflage for them (yes, I am weird and do some strange creative things - lol) then on Friday, even though it was rather windy, I went for what I thought was actually another Lovely paddle to hide them :)

Here, in no particular order, are some photos I took while I was out on the pond finding hiding spots and hiding the 2 Geocaches ...

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