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Thursday, February 16, 2017

Falling Apart?

... and putting myself back together again :)

Yes - rather a strange title for a post, and rather a strange post for ABC Wednesday ... but I figured it was about time I started blogging again, because it is Fun ... and the subject/title Fits the letter F ... so I Figured I may as well risk Freaking everyone out and post about this ... er... stuff I am posting about :)

For a while now, possibly even most of my life, I have Felt, at times, a bit like I was a Failure ... after the last time life as I know it sort of Fell apart (when the person I had been married to for 25 years decided to just walk out without even discussing it) I was a bit of a mess For a while, but after that I Felt a bit better, and thought I was Finding myself ... Figured I was starting a new life, Found and bought a new house ... but then I still Found myself stuck in the same old job I had been in For way too long ... and I was not happy. I thought I would be Fine once I Found a new job ... but that kind of wasn't happening ... and then Finally, "the wheels Fell off" ... I had known I wasn't totally happy (but I was still having Fun doing a heap of things I liked ... possibly too many things? lol) ... and I knew I Felt a bit stressed and stuff ... but what I didn't know was that I had also probably been depressed ... I do now ... also realised that I possibly had been stressed and depressed for quite some time ... but hopefully that is now something that can be, and is being, fixed - now that I have Finally got the right sort of professional help ... which eventually happened this year, at the end of a rather long and messed up process involving my workplace, after I Found myself in the Fairly Frightening situation of getting in trouble at work, because I was so stressed/etc that I was no longer able to do my job properly - and so my world kind of Fell apart ... again (that was toward the end of last year - about when I wrote the last blog post, actually) ... but now that I am Finding out a Few more things about what makes me tick, I Feel that I will be Fine again in a while, when I have Finished Finding out about myself, and can then Finally Find myself :)

This is not meant to be a depressing post - things are a bit Freaky at the moment but I will be Fine :) 
- I am on a journey, and although I ended up on a Fairly rough road again For a while, hopefully I have now Found Four wheel drive so I can get over it, and will get a GPS to keep me on track to where I want to go, and I can be a "happy camper" again :)

... maybe I should have called this post "Finding Myself" ... but I might save that for next round, when I have Found out a bit more about myself, and what direction this bumpy road is taking me - lol
(one thing I do know, is these kind of things take time ... as a certain shampoo advert says: "It won't happen overnight, but it will happen" lol)

... Hmm ... who would have thought I would be blogging (or even talking) about Mental health conditions and myself all in the same story? ... and maybe I am a special kind of weird, telling the whole world about this stuff? ... but when I read somewhere that "in Australia, it is estimated that 45% of people will experience a mental health condition in their lifetime" - then I think it is something that SHOULD be talked about more often ... who knows ... one of the 2 or 3 people who might ever read my blog posts might read this and think "I wonder if this is my problem" or "I feel depressed" or " I am a bit stressed" and be wondering "do I need help?" Or "should I get help?" ... yes - you probably should! (if you seek help and find out you don't need it - is that a problem? ... but if you don't get help and did need it - that might not work out so well ...)
Maybe I should do "Help" for my H post? - lol
(in the meantime, just do a search for "stress" or "depression" or whatever - there is a lot of information online ... almost too much ... )

and yes, I know - I am kind of talking in riddles, and might not be making much sense ... I am sure I have mentioned this before: I am weird ... lol

In the near (ish?) Future, there might be a Few more blog posts about my Feelings and things, depending how I Feel about things - lol

 ... and hopefully also a Few posts about other, more Fun, things ... like maybe next week, for the letter G, I can talk about one of the Fun thing that has sort of helped keep me sane For the last Few years - Going Geocaching :)

(but don't panic if I don't post next week, or even For a Few weeks (months?) - I am disorganised at the best of times, and my busy life might get in the way - so I might not have time to write that post - in which case I will have to do that one next time around :)

One more F thing:
... If you search for that on Twitter, you will probably find a heap of my tweets (and quite possibly other people's tweets as well) about Geocaching :) "eff off" and go read a more interesting "F" post :)

Unless you want to look at this Funny photo of me First - lol
(One Mum recently sent to me, scanned From the Family album, taken when I was Fairly young)